Online Wedding Planning Guide

This is where marrying into money could really pay off. If you’re lucky, her parents will foot the bill. If not, get used to the idea of being in debt for the rest of your natural life.

You’re going to find out things that are both frightening and disgusting. For instance, yes, caterers actually charge for that crudités crud and garnish that’s been left to rot at every party you’ve ever attended. The stuff goes for about a buck a carrot, and even parsley is not free.

If you decide to pull the pin by suggesting ideas to save money, be careful how you put it. You don’t want to be labeled a cheapskate or end up on the opposite end of the argument from your bride. Not smart.

For instance, despite all of the advances made in paper plate technology, using anything other than porcelain is simply not done. No matter whether the bar is cash or open, you can’t just stock beer. You have to have something for the old folks and those who aspire to sophistication. It’s probably best to confine your participation to deferring to your bride’s prior vision and her comprehensive knowledge of the details. You can help with little things. In fact, ask for a "Honey Do" list up front and run the errands.

Don’t run down to Hallmark to buy anything like “Thank You” notes just to score points, either, or you’ll find that they’ve already been ordered and don’t match the overall “look” she’s going for. Forget bringing home bride magazines, too. She’s just sifted through literally thousands of options and has it under control. You want to make her go over it again? You cruel, thoughtless…

At least let her know you want to help.

What often goes unsaid is that you don’t know how and nobody will tell you. It’s like what to say and when to send flowers. You’re just supposed to know.

It’s also at this stage of the planning that your bride and her mother or friends will sometimes huddle and whisper whenever you’re in the room.

Your bride may attempt to sit you down and have a talk. Here’s a tip: Look directly into her eyes several times, listen at the end of every third sentence and sort of repeat it back to her. She’s really talking out loud to herself most of the time anyway.

Finish the rather one-sided “discussion” with something like, “You’re absolutely right and I’m as excited about this as you are.” Anything else and you’ll have one of those aforementioned three-hour talks that go nowhere and serve no purpose. You’ll wind up having to end it with exactly the same phrase anyway, so why drag it out?

Tip: Take notes as soon as you can afterward. This works especially well if she talks to you about the plans over the phone. When she says she’s changed her mind about FILL IN THE BLANK you can say, "Does that mean you’ve changed your mind about a Sea Foam color scheme?"

Surprise insight: She knows you’re lying. She knows you’ll never care as much about the details as she does. If she thought about it, she’d know why. You already married her in your heart the minute you worked up the nerve to ask her. The trimmings, the formality, that’s for her folks and for her.

In fact, if you pick the moment very carefully, and the words even more carefully, you could GENTLY remind her that you just want to get hitched. She’s the one who wants to be queen for a day. That might put things in perspective for her, which could be crucial in the final days.

Oh, and don’t forget that the wedding and reception are off limits. If you have any thoughts on the honeymoon, however, this is the first and last time to put your two cents in. If parents are paying for it, thank your lucky stars. If not, keep the two cents, because you’ll need them when you get back.

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Tags: 3. Money Talks //